I’m not sure it’s technically legal for me to bribe you this way, but if you vote Democrat tomorrow, I will add a free year’s free delivery to your subscription.
‘Nuff said?
Who can turn down a deal like that?
How else would you have known about stocks like FANH or that dryer lint is compostable? (It is! Now you know!)
On the other hand, if you vote Republican, Trump has told us over and over you’ll be voting for him. And, as I’ve said over and over, he’s right. So this is what you’ll get:
- Vulgarity.
- Misogyny.
- Dishonesty.
- Bigotry.
- Ignorance.
- Corruption.
- Division.
- Climate Denial.
- Tax Fraud.
- Fascism.
A pathological liar (says Ted Cruz). A dangerous con man (says Marco Rubio). A national disgrace (says Colin Powell). The world’s number one bully (says Republican ex-governor Christine Todd Whitman). A Putin admirer. A sociopath who kept a book of Hitler’s speeches by his bedside.
Our very own Mussolini. (Who, as it turns out, did not make the trains run on time.)
That’s what you’re voting for if you vote Republican this year.
If you encounter problems voting tomorrow, call 866-OUR-VOTE or text “our vote” to 97779. To find your polling place, click here.
