First, if you don’t already know it, you have to listen to Harry Chapin’s “Taxi”, truly one of the greatest ballads of all time.
What a gift.
She was gonna be an actress, and I was gonna learn to fly.
And now, with profound apologies to that same late, great Mr. Chapin — and in keeping with my long-chronicled hobby of eating expired food — I offer a song I was inspired to write after a surprisingly good dinner.
Click here for Drew Brody‘s outstanding rendition as you read the lyrics below:
It was sitting two years in the freezer,
Labeled “best, by twenty eighteen.”
I found it in the back ‘hind some chocolate ice cream;
Not the oldest chicken I’ve seen.
*
You see I, think, old food expires
Once it starts smelling poor.
So that’s, when, I’m ready to toss it —
And not a moment before.
*
A pound, of vacuum-packed chicken,
Two deboned breasts ready to go.
I musta’ bought them for some dinner
Such a long, long time ago.
*
Oh I know, “Gross – trichinosis!”
That’s what we’re trained to think.
What TO-tal, old-wive’s-tale bull crap;
My rule: eat if it don’t stink.
*
I’ll admit that I stopped to consider
What my friends would say if I ‘uz wrong.
“HE expired, eating old-rotten-food;
Surprised, it TOOK so long.”
*
Well another man might’a just tossed it.
And another man might not’a dined.
But waste-not want-not is my motto —
I nuked those breasts, and dined fine.
*
You see, she was gonna be a chicken;
And I have yet to learn to fry.
She just wound up being dinner;
And no. I didn’t die.
*
Didn’t die.
Didn’t die.
Didn’t die.
Have a great day.
