Of Dolphins And Puppies

I saw a comedian — Trevor Noah? — commenting on our concern for dolphins . . . something along the lines of, “So there’s one dolphin trapped in a net with 1,000 tuna and everyone’s all trying to save the dolphin, and the tuna are going, Hellloooo! We’re in here, too, people!”

Fair enough. Still, show me a team of tuna that can do this. (Thanks, Mel!)

I’m sure you’ve seen it, but is it not breathtaking that our new president has issued an executive order designed to relieve financial advisors of the obligation to act in their clients’ best interests? Take a minute to think about that.

Or that he would announce that the murder rate is the highest it’s been in 47 years when in fact it’s hovering around half-century lows?*

Or that his administration would, in effect, come out against puppies? And try to blame that on Obama? Watch it here.

And it’s only Wednesday.

*He wants us to be afraid of the “carnage” that plagues us — including zero terrorist acts committed on our soil since 1975 by immigrants from the seven countries he’s seen a sudden urgency to fear. He wants the media to report more aggressively on the nearly 200 Americans killed by terrorists since 9/11 (versus about half a million in car crashes). He assures us he will “absolutely” release his tax returns if he runs for office — though “no one but the press wants to see them” — and he will sue the 11 women who claim he did what he bragged he does because, frankly, he could walk down Fifth Avenue shooting people and Kelly Ann Conway and Sean Spicer would attack anyone who criticized him for it. But I digress.