It turns out there is a cure for hiccups, which I have clinically tested in a sample size of two different situations on two different continents. SCARING my pal didn’t work; and the remedy a bartender in Athens poured with a 100% guarantee didn’t work. But the remedy a bartender in Costa Rica prescribed last year works amazingly and all but instantly . . . so write this down where you won’t forget it: Heavily salt a large lime wedge (like a quarter of a lime, with a “line of salt” on top, like you see lines of coke in the movies) and chomp deeply into it, swallowing all the salty juice. No more hiccups.
And while I’m dispensing the kind of financial advice you won’t get over at the Motley Fool, here’s this: If you’re the kind of person who wakes up with a headache after drinking . . . just take an Advil as you’re going to sleep. You might have to take another in the morning, but in that case you might need to reconsider your relationship with alcohol.
Separately, and with a warning from the beginning of time to the end of the universe holding me harmless should you attempt feats of this kind, I should tell you that — waste not, want not — I yesterday scored a personal best. (Long-time readers will know that a hobby of mine is eating expired food.) Not quite as good as the Kraft Fat-Free salad dressing dated October 6, 2001, that I enjoyed this past winter, but this was (loosely speaking) dairy! Specifically, a long-frozen two-pak of Egg Beaters marked “USE BY JAN 31 2004” successfully cooked and consumed with a little salt and pepper May 31, 2018. No hiccups, no hangover — just a deep sense of personal pride and satisfaction.
Each of us has his niche.