Youropoly

FREE

Click here, if you still haven’t, to get free stuff from PlanetRx and get me my free plane ride. Supposedly, this contest that ended July 31 now ends — really — August 31. They provide contestants the names of those who’ve logged in for free stuff, so I know that three of you haven’t. And I know which three.

NOT FREE, HARD WORK

This one’s not so simple, but a good idea. Christmas is coming. Chanukah and Kwanzaa and somebody’s birthday and anniversary, too.

Click here for a site that lets you make your own customized Monopoly game. It costs $29.95 and is a real project, not for the faint of heart. But look at all the time you spend on the Internet. If you log off now and work diligently on Youropoly seven days a week, straight through, you will have it done just in time — with a board that has the streets where your folks grew up; with money that has their faces on it; with Chance cards that read like the genuine vicissitudes of their lives, or any others you care to invent. (“Cisco triples. Collect $18,000.” “New York has decided to audit you even though you’ve only been there twice. Pay $5,000 in legal fees or just shoot yourself.”)

This is a particularly great Major Gift idea for the giver who is unemployed or retired on Social Security. You have the time and lack the money. Let others show up with their $500 cashmere sweaters; your gift is the one all will be talking about.

(Friends did one of these for me — a tad off color, as a matter of fact — but I haven’t tried it myself. If you don’t have time for such an ambitious project, click here and give them a can of Rhulispray, some Vegicaps, Tagamet, Clearasil or 25 Butler GUM Floss Threaders. Anything can make a good gift if the card’s clever.)