You Do Know He Never WANTED To Be President, Right?

. . . as Frank Bruni explained a while back.  George Will adds: “What a misery it must be to be Donald Trump.”

But now, the important stuff:

Have a new Apple iPhone without the home button?  Then in addition to “if lost, please email me@wherever.com for a reward,” you should tape THIS reminder to the back of your phone: “If the screen suddenly goes black even though you have lots of battery left . . . or if you need to reboot for any other reason . . . just press the UP volume button, then the DOWN volume button, then hold the ON/OFF button for a few seconds until it starts up again.”  If I had known that, I would have saved 12 hours’ worry and an hour of actual travel time.  At first, I was overcome with gratitude when the Apple genius took 15 seconds to “fix” my phone.  But my gratitude — my awe! — were soon mixed with annoyance that crucial little secrets like this do not come engraved on the back of the phone.

Question: Is it still weight-watching if you eat four 70-calorie English Toffee Crunch ice cream bars one after another? And how is it possible that they be 70 calories per bar, as advertised on the carton, when one serving — two bars — is listed as 150 calories?  Is this “weight-watching for the innumerate?”  Have I been reduced to copy-editing ice cream containers?

It’s been a while since I veered off into the culinary — long-time readers know I am slowly simmering Volume One of Cooking Like A Guy™ — so let me just note two things I’ve recently learned.

First, not only is broccoli good for you — broccoli stalks are just as nutritious as the florets.  So snack on the florets, raw; but boil the stalks to eat hot or cold with salt and pepper.  You will live longer and healthier, for which I expect credit.

Second, to save energy and water, while you’re boiling those broccoli stalks, gently drop in a dozen eggs.  After 13 minutes, remove the broccoli and dump out most of the water.  Refill the pot with ice water . . . peel the eggs (this is the only time it will be quick and easy to do) . . . and place them in a water-filled container.  You now have a dozen snacks in the refrigerator that will stay good quite a long time.

I had heard of TB12 but not PB2.  You know one of my hobbies is eating expired food.  People ask how long I’ve owned my condo and I say I’m not sure — I date it by the Kraft Fat-Free Italian Caesar Dressing in the refrigerator, “best purchased by October 6, 2001” but still good.  So I must have had the apartment since 2000.  Americans waste way too much food.

Which is why it killed me to discover that some 12-year-old peanut butter I had been storing in a cupboard for a rainy day had turned to something that looked fine and spread fine but had taken on the properties of metallic paste.  I threw it out.  Yes!  Me!

A friend, upon hearing this, told me about PB2.  “TB12?” I asked him?  He’s a huge Tom Brady fan.  “No, PB2 — powdered peanut butter.  It’s great.”  IT’s at least not bad — I’ve tried some.  My sense is that it could easily last 20 years.  Let me know your thoughts.