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Andrew Tobias
Andrew Tobias

Money and Other Subjects

The Matrix Stew

April 21, 2000February 15, 2017

Responding to my recipe for Chicken a la King, Joel Williams has chimed in with his own Cooking Like a Guy™ recipe. Joel writes:

“Not quite cooking like a guy. But if you want to entertain your guests with something better than chicken out of a can, try this beef stew recipe:

Invite some guests over for the next evening (recipe serves 4 really hungry or 6 not so hungry).

4 pounds boneless cut up beef
1 pound bacon
4 bulbs garlic
4 oranges
2 or more bottles red wine
1 pound mushrooms, sliced
Olive oil
Fresh sage, thyme, basil, and parsley – finely chopped up, in equal amounts – about 3/8 cup
1 Video of “The Matrix.”

Sauté the mushrooms in a very little of the olive oil
Cut the bacon into 1-inch pieces
Peel and cut up the garlic into small pieces
Squeeze the oranges, saving the juice. Peel and then cut the skin into small strips.
Combine everything in a large pot. Add red wine and water (about 50-50) with the orange juice to cover. Bring to a simmer.
Watch “The Matrix.”

Take the pot off the stove and put in refrigerator.

Next day you will find about 1/4 inch of fat on the top. Skim it off. Do this before your guests arrive, if they are a bit squeamish. Otherwise, perform this act in a ceremonial fashion when they arrive.

Cook some rice, wheat, or barley. Warm up the beef stew. Serve the beef over the rice or whatever. Serve the rest of the wine with dinner.

Advantages:

(1) You do all of the work the previous day, so you can attend to your guests when they come. All you have to do is warm and serve.
(2) It is really easy, even though you do have to chop some stuff.
(3) Your guests will be happy that you are not giving them chicken out of a can.
(4) Skimming off the fat makes it relatively healthy.

Disadvantages

(1) You do have to chop some stuff.
(2) All of the work is done the previous day, so you have to plan — not really a guy thing.
(3) You already saw The Matrix.”

Are you crazy?  Do you know how much work this is?  And how much you’ll have to clean up?  If he wants something really elaborate like this, any self-respecting guy will rent “The Matrix” and pick up the phone.  It’s called, “Chinese,” and in any decent size town, they deliver.

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