SIEGELMAN

Andrew Krauss: ‘Yes, they have television sets at the White House, but you may recall that several years ago, they told us that they were permanently tuned to Fox News.’

CASABLANCA

Jonathan Young: ‘No, no. It’s just the girl who is coming to Captain R’s office and she’s going to be there at six. Otherwise true.’

☞ You’re half right. See script page 88.

THE SMELL OF FRESH CARBON PAPER IN THE MORNING

Marie Coffin: ‘I had a conversation just last week with two college students who wanted to know what the ‘cc:’ in their email program stood for. I explained that it stood for ‘carbon copy,’ and then had to explain what carbons were and how you used them in a typewriter. I had just started describing the smell of freshly mimeographed, still-damp handouts in grade school when I decide to shut up. Some things just don’t translate well to the 21st Century.’

ANALOGIES ARE TO THE SATs . . .

Eric Batson: ‘Sit down, I have some bad news. Ready? The analogy questions are no more. The new and improved SAT dropped them a few years ago. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you.’

☞ . . . as (a) images soon will be to analog TV sets that lack converter boxes; (b) sea bass soon will be to the waters off Chile; (c) pennies are to utility; (d) Pluto is to planets.

MY SUPERPOWERS

Jack: ‘Are you a super delegate? If so, are you saying whom you will support? And if you are undecided, how do you think you will make your decision?’

☞ I am. But from Florida, so I don’t count – and am enthusiastically neutral anyway because of my DNC post. If Florida winds up holding a revote and the kryptonite is removed from my neck, I would remain neutral until the last moment. At the last moment, if it were apparent who was going to win, I would probably vote that way, because the wider the win, the better. If it were not apparent who was going to win, I’d likely abstain – because the DNC’s role in this is to remain scrupulously neutral.

(If I were a ‘normal’ superdelegate, my only criterion would be who I thought would make the best president, unless I were persuaded one stood a significantly better chance of winning November 4 than the other, in which case that would be my candidate.)

MORE JEWISH HAIKUS

J. Kasley offers these, only some of which had I seen before:

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann’s.

Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

And. since we’re in an Eastern mode, Mr. Kasley offers some Jewish Buddhism:

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain no thingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

The Torah says,
Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says,
There is no self.
So, maybe we’re off the hook.

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