You know all those clever, poignant or deeply personal PS’s you’ve been appending to your e-mails? That final thought that leaves them with just the feeling you want? “PS — In case you can’t, just let me know and we’ll haul out the Spam! Ha, ha, ha.” . . . “PS — No matter how all that sounds, or how angry it makes you now, please understand where it’s coming from. I love you more than life itself.” . . . “PS — I forgot the most important thing. Come at 8 sharp and don’t tell Karen. It’s a surprise!

Well, I’ve got bad news for you. No one has seen any of them. They fall below the bottom of the screen, and when people get to the sign-off of your e-mail — “See ya around, dude.” — they don’t click “Scroll Down.” They click NEXT.

Now do you see why your friends have gradually been falling by the wayside? Why no one seems to be reacting to your missives in quite the spirit you expected? Rejoice! A solution is at hand.

I hereby proclaim and decree that the Post Scriptum of a physical letter be replaced by the e-Prior Signatorum. You write it just the same way . . . “PS — On the off-chance you didn’t realize it, Jack, I am joking.” . . . only you put it above the signature instead of below.

I’ve been doing this for several weeks now and find my social life gradually returning to normal.

Tomorrow: Dryer Lint


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