So I had that little Valentine’s Day comment about two consultants dating. It brought forth unto my e-mail this wonderful Letterlist from a consultant at Andersen Consulting, who got it from a guy at Goldman Sachs — I wish I knew where it actually began, because I’d like to give proper credit. But whoever penned it clearly knew whereof he/she spoke.
(What’s a Letterlist? You mean you’re never awake at midnight, eleven Central, watching CBS? Dave doesn’t call them that, but surely he’s earned a dictionary entry.)
Top Ten Ways To Know You’re Dating A Consultant:
- Referred to the first month of your relationship as a “diagnostic period.”
- Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
- Takes a half-day at the office because, “Sunday is YOUR day.”
- Congratulates your parents for successful value creation.
- Tries to call room service from the bedroom.
- Ends any argument by saying, “Let’s talk about this off-line.”
- Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review.
- Can’t be trusted with the car — too accustomed to beating up rentals.
- Valentine’s Day card has bullet points.
- Refers to lovemaking as a “win-win.”
* * *
Ah, but what if you fall in love with the Dogs of the Dow rather than a management consultant? Come back Monday.