DON’T ASK/DON’T TELL

What a disappointment to fall just shy of the 60 required votes. But with the President, the Secretary of Defense, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the House of Representatives, a majority in the Senate, 64% of the Republican electorate and 80% of Democrats all favoring repeal – and with a Federal Disrtrict Court just having ruled the current law unconstitutional – I think we’ll find a way to have open service sooner rather than later. Stay tuned.

TTT

This one only seemed to drop yesterday. Suggested here earlier this month, TTT is now trading ‘ex-dividend,’ meaning that anyone who buys it now will not get the imminent dividend, which in this case is not cash but, rather, a quarter share of KHDHF for each TTT share. So at 6.80, your shares are really worth 6.80 plus 1/4 of 7.60, or about 8.70. I’m holding on.

SHUCKING LIKE A GUY

Finally!

Last Wednesday, we microwaved corn: Zap, shuck, eat.

Today (how much corn could a dumb cluck shuck if a dumb cluck could shuck corn?) we turn to clams.

SHUCKING LIKE A GUY

Here’s how you’re supposed to shuck clams. Simple, elegant – and I totally couldn’t get it to work, so I invented my own method:

  1. Be sure to buy cherrystone clams. They’re big and delicious and a third the price of oysters. Little Neck clams are just annoying. There’s a reason they’re called little. Maybe if you’re a seagull they fill the bill*, but not if you’re a human.
  2. Be sure they are all happy. The way to know is that they are tightly shut. If someone tries to sell you a clam that’s already open, and possibly smelly, it’s likely a clam that’s passed on to his or her reward. Take no chances.
  3. Clean the shells (“with a stiff brush,” say all the guides) because there could be bacteria on the outside that could infect an open wound, like the one you could inflict on yourself trying to open them. And now you are ready to shuck the first one.
  4. Wrap it in a dish towel of some sort . . .

“Not my towels!” Charles shouts from the next room.

  1. Grab a heavy skillet . . .

“Not my cast iron skillet!” Charles has now appeared for emphasis.

  1. Wait for Charles to leave and strike the towel flatly, with authority. [Important: you are not trying to smash the clam, just shuck it. A hammer is too specific; a flat skillet is perfect.]
  2. Remove any large pieces of shell, open the now completely acquiescent clam (far too dazed to feel any pain) and enjoy.

That’s it.

Before eating a clam, be sure its liquor is clear, not milky.

ALTERNATE MOLLUSKATION

Here’s how you steam them. Mmmm, mmmm! No shucking required.

But you could also freeze them – just a little, for less than an hour, so their muscles go numb (again, don’t worry: for them it’s like getting stoned) – and they should open enough on their own for you easily to insert the shucking knife as demonstrated by Legal Seafoods’ head chef in the very first link, above.

Or you could do the really smart thing and arrive at the Ocean Grill bar Sunday through Thursday night at 9:30pm, after which the oysters, clams and shrimp are shucked to order, half price.

*Da BUM bum.

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