I assume this clip from the Miss America try-outs is a spoof.  How can it not be?  It’s hysterical.  I love the girl from Vermont the most.  But a quick search on Snopes turned up only this related item (wherein the Alabama legislature supposedly passes a law to round Pi down from 3.1415 to “3” to be more in line with Biblical teachings).  In case it’s not a spoof, please don’t tell me – I would have to kill myself.

[UPDATE: Peter Kronenberg: “It IS a spoof – on a real video where they asked Miss America contestants if they thought evolution should be taught in schools.  The point being that it would be ridiculous to ask if we should teach math in schools, as if some people don’t believe in math.”]


. . . and a possible copyright violation.  But if you’re of no particular ethnic background or not easily offended; and if you’re not going to tell John Cleese this has been flying around the Internet; and since – touch wood – yesterday went off uneventfully and at least for now we can laugh nervously . . . well . . . here:


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.”  The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.”  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”  The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.”  They don’t have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”  They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”  Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .  The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be all right, Mate.”  Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!” and “The Barbie is canceled.”  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

— John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person


I like to think everyone in America watched or read the President’s “American Jobs Act” address to the joint session of Congress.  Here are the video and transcript of the speech he made the next day, in Richmond.


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