You may have read my recent exposition on green gummi bears. My basic thesis was that since almost no one likes the green ones, how come they make ’em?

From Russell Turpin: “My faith is shaken. You eat gummi bears? I thought only children under the age of twelve eat gummi bears. Especially ones who are also inclined to eat crickets and to show off their pet mouse by putting its head in their mouth. (I knew one twelve-year old girl who did this with her mouse, undoubtedly to wash out the taste of gummi bears, and I only wish I could send a picture of this then-proud feat to her now twenty-something self.)”

A.T.: Actually, I personally have eaten only about four gummi bears. But I have adult friends who – I share Russell’s astonishment – do.

From Drew Natenshon: “As far as I know, the original gummi bears – my favorites – come from the Black Forest in Germany, and their green ones taste kind of good, especially compared to the Care Bear gummi bears which I think are disgusting and too soft. I hope this helps.”

A.T.: It helps a great deal. Thanks!

From Craig Furnas: “The green Gummi Bears can’t help being green. They are Irish. Which leads me to tell you a joke I wrote and sold to Playboy. Yes, it’s true. They sent me $100 for it. And I made it up myself, I didn’t hear it.

“I subscribed to Playboy for a year in hopes of seeing the joke on the jokes page, but I never did during the year, upon which I did not renew my subscription. Maybe it’s been printed since; I don’t know. But they did pay me for it. Here it is:

Q: What do you get when you cross a German with an Irishman?

[Craig assures me HE is German/Irish, which he feels gives him leave to poke fun this way. Those of you who buy that line may scroll down for the answer. The rest of you: flee!]






A: Someone too drunk to follow orders.

“badooom boom.”

Tomorrow: Some good luck for the holidays


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