Breaking News from the Borowitz Report: ‘Controversy-seeking newsman Geraldo Rivera, who left his perch at CNBC to cover the war in Afghanistan for Fox News, became part of the story today when his ninety-foot-long luxury trailer knocked out all of the power in Afghanistan, tilting the war effort decidedly in the United States’ favor.

Cisco – a bargain? According to our little market-cap SCALE (thanks again to Marc Fest for helping me bring it to life), CSCO is currently valued at more than Ford, GM, FedEx, the New York Times Co., Toys R Us, Yahoo, Amazon, Apple and Hitachi combined. So – although off more than 75% from its peak – CSCO stock may not yet be completely a bargain.

Samsung’s 19-Inch TV/VCR combo. I’m sorry, but this one’s a winner. I know it won’t exactly turn your living room into a home theater, as one pal of mine did for just $42,000. But at about $229, depending on how aggressively you shop, it could sure make someone happy this Christmas. No cables; stick a tape in and it turns itself on and starts playing; one-touch recording; turbo rewind; even an alarm clock. I love mine. Here are the specs.

Nobody for Mayor! I was struck by an item on CNN that ‘no one is running for mayor of Mechanicsville, Iowa, so the election is all by write-in.’ Granted, Mechanicsville is not Chicago or New York. But it made me think of something that had been running through my mind earlier in the day: namely, how fortunate we are that people – most of the ones I’ve encountered, good people – are willing to run for, and then hold, public office. What if they were not? Don’t forget to vote.

[The Tuesday Tirade, as you can see, has been put off to tomorrow.]


Wayne Arczynski: “You wrote: << Just bring … your ID, empty all your pockets … and be prepared to be frisked … take off your belt and your boots. But it’s basically no big deal. >> NO BIG DEAL? I must disagree and say this is a great big deal. The idea of submitting to a search and interrogation, strictly for the privilege of flying for 2 hours versus driving for 10 to 12 hours, is beyond comprehension for many people. There is always a possibility of embarrassment due to an overzealous security person. Not to mention the fear of being humiliated in front of your children. No, Andy, I believe people are not so much afraid of dying in an aircraft as they are of being placed in a position that questions their character and invades their privacy.”

☞ In my experience the security people have been polite and the passengers have seemed to accept this is a necessary nuisance. But I know you are not alone in feeling this way.

Dick Maynard: “I must agree there has never been a better time to travel. We just spent 5 weeks in the Southeast and in New York City. Hilton Head was a ghost town. The Robert Trent Jones golf trail in Alabama was akin to having some of the world’s most beautiful golf courses all to yourself. Florida, Ocala, Highway A1A and Boca Raton all have tables waiting. We just stumbled into the Disney resort north of Vero Beach and received a 30% discount for approaching the registration desk. And New Yorkers are nice. They could not have been more accommodating. Tickets for “The Music Man” and “42nd Street” were 50% off at the little ticket stand in Times Square. There was an absolutely amazing free Halloween party for kids in Central Park. Not that we have kids, ours are grown but other people’s children are more fun to watch than raising your own. Parents at the Central Park party had to lug home a free pumpkin and once there probably had to carve a jack o’ lantern. We, on the other hand, ended our Central Park wanderings by stopping at a pub for a pint of Guinness. We did not realize the Staten Island Ferry is now free. Thank you, Mayor Giuliani. What a bargain riding the subway to Battery Park and taking the ferry past Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty to Staten Island and back. And Jet Blue is a wonderful airline. $54 from Ft. Lauderdale to JFK. $99 from JFK to Denver. The seats are first class wide and you have a TV set to watch the World Series as you fly home through the night. Much different from United Airlines, where they are either whining that they are about to go broke or whining why the pilots and flight attendants need more money. Jet Blue employees actually seem to appreciate your business. All in all it was a wonderful trip but I do have a problem keeping a straight face in explaining, ‘My wife and I are doing our patriotic duty and helping America. How? Why, by playing golf and attending Broadway musicals – that’s how. We all have to sacrifice and do our part.’”


Comments are closed.