Three Important Updates

Re: My Fanny Has No Fat

Doug Gary: “For more fat free and/or sugar free foods, your readership (and you for that matter) might check out a cookbook called The Compassionate Cook. It has all vegan (no animal products) recipes, and they are actually quite delicious.”

The full title, I see, is The Compassionate Cook or, ‘Please Don’t Eat the Animals’: A Vegetarian Cookbook. I ordered a copy — though with my culinary skills the recipe has to read pretty much: “Remove from refrigerator. Eat.”

(Incidentally, no animals have been maltreated in the manufacture of my new book.)

Re: The Case Against Lawyer Jokes

R. Bingler: “I’m a lawyer, and I say they’re funny and well-deserved. Keep it up.”

R.C. Brown: “NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ‘One million dollars,’ he answered, ‘because I want to donate it to M.I.T.’ The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. ‘I want to give a million to my family,’ he explained, ‘and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.’ The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, ‘Three million dollars.’ ‘Why so much more than the others?’ the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, ‘If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer.'”

Re: Shakespeare

Ed Vosik: “It wasn’t Shakespeare who said ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be.’ It was Polonius.”

And here I had thought it was Ben Franklin. But wait a minute. Did you HEAR him say it? Seen a tape? How do you know? Anyway: Shakespeare said it, too. And gets extra points for saying it in English. (Non offensorum, amicus Polonius.)