Why We Lost: The Elephant In The Bathroom November 30, 2024December 1, 2024 Presumably, you’ve seen Defense-Secretary-designate Pete Hegseth’s mom’s letter? So now to the topic at hand: The first reason we lost the election goes all the way back to Ronald Reagan’s victory in 1980 and the staggering rise in inequality it kicked off, as described in two minutes here — and in Nick Hanauer’s seminal 2014 must-read ‘pitchforks’ piece. People are pissed. And when people are pissed, they are more than ever susceptible to demagoguery. The second reason is that we failed adequately to explain the causes of inflation and adequately to show that we understood how badly it was hurting people. And adequately to explain our plan to tame it with a “soft landing” — which we did — rather than the old-fashioned way, with a crushingly painful recession. We would never have gotten everyone on board with those explanations but could have done a lot better. The third reason was how we handled — and, again, failed adequately to explain — our handling of immigration. The President was slow to fix the border crisis because he wanted to keep the pressure on for a permanent legislative fix that would stand up in court. And he got it! A tough bi-partisan bill that was on the verge of fixing everything — until Trump instructed Mitch McConnell, et al, to kill it. It was an unpatriotic act of breathtaking selfishness and we shouldn’t have let him get away with it. Remember how Republicans voted 52 times to kill Obamacare? We should have voted 52 times to fix the border, with ever increasing fanfare, until every American knew just what was in the bill, how well it would have worked, and how Trump was the only thing keeping the border “open.” The fourth reason is the one I’d like to address in some detail here: over-wokeness. Long-time readers know I’ve been ranting about this for years. (Bill Maher sums it up in 56 seconds.) In speech after speech, Democrats should have said, in effect: Look: If ‘woke’ means being alert to the feelings of others and treating them fairly, then we’re woke. Indeed, most Republicans are, too. But when it means everybody has to walk on eggshells for fear of inadvertently giving offense or losing their jobs — it’s gone too far. People must be allowed to speak freely and . . . if they do inadvertently offend . . . be allowed to apologize. Indeed, they must be allowed to not apologize if they don’t think they did anything wrong . . . or even if they don’t care whether they did anything wrong . . . and even if the apology seems lame or insincere . . . . . . while the rest of us should feel equally free to think they’re idiots. It’s a free country. Some of us, sometimes, ARE idiots. And people can disagree over who’s an idiot and who’s not. (Best, of course, would be for the offenders to explain why they don’t think they said anything hurtful — or why they don’t care that they did — and then to listen to the offended party. In at least a few cases, better understanding might be reached on both sides.) And we should have given examples: STATUES — It’s woke to remove those that glorify men who led the fight for slavery; over-woke to advocate removing statues of the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence. PRONOUNS — Woke to respect the wishes of all who feel the need to specify theirs (though the grammarian in me chokes at calling a single person “them”); over-woke to implicitly pressure the rest of us to specify ours in solidarity. TRIGGER WORDS — I may need further education on this one (I’m old) but am I really not allowed to say, “Shoot for the stars, kids!” or “Shoot! I forgot my phone charger!” Really? Three more: DEFUND THE POLICE — No Democratic candidate advocated literally doing it (voters of both parties saw the need for improvement and welcomed, for example, the widespread adoption of body cams that resulted). But the over-woke slogan itself, while well-intentioned, was a gift to Republicans. $5 MILLION PER PERSON REPARATIONS — No Democratic candidate supported this either; but the over-woke proposal was itself a gift to the party of White Christian Nationalism. CANCEL CULTURE — Political correctness, especially on college campuses, has gone way too far — and we should be decrying that just as loudly as our Republican friends are. Older readers will understand when I say: we badly needed some Sister Soulja moments this past year. With them, we might well have won the trifecta that the other team narrowly did. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE ELEPHANT IN THE BATHROOM Most Americans don’t know a lot of trans people. It’s easy to fear — even to despise — what you don’t know. Just as Republicans for decades exploited homophobia, now they’ve found fertile ground to exploit fear of trans people.* And Anti-Trans Ads Were A Key Trump Strategy. (Click that link for details.) Until more of us get to know trans people that strategy will have legs. Americans could do a lot worse than getting to know these two: Take 7 minutes to watch Congresswoman Sarah McBride on last week’s “Face the Nation.” Or 2 to watch the “Will & Harper” trailer. It’s really hard for anyone, I think, to fear or loathe Sarah or Harper. A certain lingering discomfort? Sure — maybe. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But the more people come to know wonderful trans people like these (or my friend Martine Rothblatt, whose work may one day save their children’s lives), the less potent Republican anti-trans ads — and legislation — will be. Which is one reason it’s so great Sarah will soon take her seat in Congress. And so great, I think, that Republicans have over-reached by making a big deal out of where she should go to the bathroom. House Speaker Mike Johnson has forbidden her to go the ladies’ room. And presumably, male Republicans won’t be thrilled sharing their men’s rooms with her — so is the idea that she shouldn’t be allowed to go to any public bathroom? It reminds one of this must-see scene in “Hidden Figures” (2 minutes) where the brilliant NASA mathematician . . . well, just watch. That was America not so long ago. If today’s Republican idea is that all Americans must, by law, use only the bathroom that corresponds to the genitals of their birth, how will we enforce this? With medical examiners outside every public bathroom? Randomized spot checks? Will fines be imposed by the bathroom police? Prison sentences for repeat offenses? Will we be required to present birth certificates every time we need to pee? Or will we just grow up? Is not the common-sense solution simply for people who are uncomfortable in a particular restroom simply to leave as quickly as they can? Or if they see someone scary entering the restroom ahead of them, simply to delay their own entry until the scary person comes out? Or use the restroom one flight down? It’s not perfect — but what is there about public restrooms that is? In short, why make “a federal case” out of this (which, to her credit, Congresswoman-elect McBride has not done). Likewise, gender and sports. Why is that a federal case? Is it not best left to the common sense of coaches to determine who can compete with whom? Why not leave it to, say, the NCAA, whose thinking on the issue you can read here: Understanding the NCAA: Transgender Student-Athlete Participation Policy (but will find nowhere referenced in the 30,000 TV spots Republicans ran targeting football fans in advance of the election). And while we’re at it, gender issues aside, how about other physical advantages and disadvantages? Can a 180-pound 16-year-old be allowed to compete against 12-year-olds? How about a 150-pound 15-year-old? Where do you draw the line? Is the United States Congress the best place to decide this? Or the state legislature? Why not leave it to the coaches — and resign ourselves to the fact that nothing is perfect or ever will be. In the meantime, what should Democrats say and do? I’m with Seth Moulton, the Democratic Massachusetts Congressman widely criticized within his own party for saying recently that our approach to trans issues should allow for honest discussion and nuance. We need to show we understand people’s concerns and do our best to allay them — not cancel them for being fearful for their daughters’ safety or for being less woke than we. The bottom line, argues Anand Giridhara: “Wokeness is good, actually. But we need a plan for the still-waking.” *Happily, after literally decades of struggle, most Americans — not all — have come to know, and often to like, friends, relatives, neighbors, co-workers, and classmates who happen to be gay. Or bi- or lesbian. Today, most Americans don’t care that an openly gay man runs the most valuable company in the world or that Trump’s Treasury Secretary-designate has a husband. Most would get a kick out of having Ellen DeGeneres or Martina Navratilova, or the lesbian governors of Massachusetts and Oregon, over for dinner.