The Potato June 24, 2014June 23, 2014 A BEAR Have you seen this one? (Thanks, Mel.) Well, if you taught your pet to roll over, shake hands or play dead, don’t go spraining your shoulder patting yourself on the back. Look what this guy did. A POEM So much depends upon by Tom Chandler the blonde woman who drops a potato in the supermarket parking lot where it rolls beneath the 89 Dodge Ram with rust patches near the left rear fender from contact with too much road salt during the winter of 91 which was actually one of the mildest on record though the driver tends to remember it as the season he was fired from his job at the aluminum window factory where he had worked for nearly sixteen years without promotion as he shifts into reverse and backs over the potato which squishes as softly as a dream’s last breath and leaves slick asphalt for the lot boy to slip on as he pushes a train of shopping carts and sprains his lumbar vertebrae just days before he is scheduled to leave for basic training to become the cool killing machine he’s always craved but will now have to settle for someday making assistant produce manager and marrying a girl he almost loves just as the blonde woman finds herself one potato short with dinner guests ringing the doorbell. “So much depends upon” by Tom Chandler from Toy Firing Squad. © Wind Publications, 2008. A HOME A sharp 78-year-old passes this along: During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?” Bah-DUM-bum.