Magically Making Crest Disappear

OH, MY!

It’s magic! And all Uri Geller could do was bend spoons. (Anybody know how this was done?) Thanks, John.

MY RUN-IN WITH THE TSA

I once tried to go through security with a pint of guacamole. It’s not exactly a liquid or a gel, and I offered to eat some of it as they watched, but they said I had to eat it all before I attempted to pass through security. There were too many people behind me – and my shoes were off and my computer bag had already gone into the machine – so I sadly offered it up to the TSA, hoping that they would at least enjoy it and not throw it out. It was really good guacamole.

Yesterday, at JFK, I had my gels and liquids in a quart plastic bag out in the tray, and my toothpaste was confiscated in the interest of national security. ‘It’s too big,’ I was told. Yes, it was a six-ounce tube – ‘But it’s almost empty!’ I explained. From the way the bottom two-thirds of the tube was flattened and folded over, it was evident I was telling the truth. There were, at most, two ounces of Crest remaining. ‘I can see that,’ explained the Transportation Safety Authority. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

They confiscated it and all was well.

(Charles pointed out that if it’s the size of the container, not its contents, that are determinative, why was not the quart bag itself – which could have held a full quart of toothpaste – confiscated? Just because it did not contain more than three ounces of toothpaste? Well, neither, all agreed, did my Crest tube.)

I don’t want to make too much of this. There was no ill will. No pique. No sarcasm. (With me, pique and sarcasm do not kick in until more than $10 is involved.) And when I landed and unpacked, planning to visit the hotel gift shop to pick up some mini-Crest, I discovered a different quart-bag of toiletries in one of the compartments of my bag . . . a bag I had forgotten was there and thus had failed to put out in one of the trays . . . so I had toothpaste after all. The skies were safe, my smile, bright.