Iced Tea, Diet Chocolate Soda, A Brief English Lesson, and What To Do If Your 401(k) Offers Rotten Mutual Fund Choices

ICED TEA

Have I mentioned Honest Tea? I loved the name and the packaging when a Yale School of Management professor first showed it to me — a little side business for him and a young marketing whiz — though, truthfully, I hated the tea. But this was because he had me sample it out of his briefcase in a hallway at room temperature (and on New Year’s Eve, no less). It turns out that Honest Tea is better served cold over ice or hot in a cup, surprise, surprise, and that I have become a small investor. It is not my expectation it will be a big seller on New Year’s Eve, but you’d be amazed all the places that write it up, and how many people seem to like its seven “barely-sweetened” varieties. (Moroccan Mint, First Nation, and Gold Rush — when I crave cinnamon — are my favorites. But Kashmiri Chai — well, it surprises me, Jerry — it surprises me!) So here’s what I find kind of exciting. A couple of months ago I got the Pioneer Market at Columbus and 74th to order a case of each variety for me. Obligingly, they found a supplier (not then easy to do, getting easier) and ordered the cases. But through a miscommunication, I didn’t get to the store to pick it up, so they put it on the shelves instead. By the time I did get there, a little had been sold and I bought a little — but not remotely all the rest. So last night I’m back in the store and the display of Honest Tea is wider than before and filled with bottles. Do you hear what I’m saying? Someone besides me has been buying the product! They like it! I may not die broke after all! (I’m not saying you’ll like it. But I think you’ll like the labels.) And if it doesn’t work out, there will always be the puns. For starters: Stupida Tea.

Not only will you find Honest Tea labels on-line, you’ll find part-time $10-an-hour job openings. Perfect for that personable college kid who’s hitting you up for money he should be earning himself.

DIET CHOCOLATE SODA

I hate to plug a competitor, but have you tried Arizona Chocolate Fudge Float Lite Soda Pop? Move over, Yoohoo! And it’s got “40% Less Calories than ordinary soda.” Which leads me to . . .

A BRIEF ENGLISH LESSON

It’s 40% fewer calories, not less! Less is for things you can’t count — less air, less hair, less fat, less famine, less rigor, less vigor, less discord, less punditry, less pedantry. Fewer is for things you can — fewer calories, fewer airplanes, fewer hairs, fewer fat cats, fewer pundits, fewer pedants. Less sand, fewer rocks! Less money, fewer mutual fund choices!

OK, Tomorrow: What To Do If Your 401(k) Offers Rotten Mutual Fund Choices