Enron January 18, 2002February 21, 2017 From the Borowitz Report January 17, 2002 Breaking News U.S. MISSILE HITS ENRON FILE STORAGE FACILITY Intended for Tora Bora, Smart Bomb Destroys Company Documents Instead A so-called ‘smart bomb’ destined for Tora Bora changed course suddenly last night and hit a file storage facility of the Enron Corporation located on the outskirts of Houston. ☞ Look, I’m sure no Enron expert, but what do we know about Ken Lay? First, that he got enormously rich from Enron. Second, that he filed for the largest corporate bankruptcy in history. Third, that he may have been grossly negligent or else the greedy mastermind of a huge white-collar crime. Is this the guy you would look to as a key advisor to set the nation’s energy policy? Advising on things like energy deregulation and, perhaps, what actions the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission should take – or not take – to keep California electricity prices from shooting to the moon? (The FERC was legally empowered to impose short-term emergency caps but took no action.) Maybe the nation’s energy policy – e.g., cutting the budget for alternative energy research in half, to the presumed delight of the oil industry – should now be revisited? And perhaps not in secret? One might even ask, ‘What did Ken Lay and Enron hope to gain from their six-figure gifts to the various Bush pursuits? And did they gain any of it?’ This is a company that went to elaborate lengths to pay zero income tax in 1996, 1998, 1999 and 2000 while reporting ever-rising profits. That would suggest a healthy dose of good old-fashioned self-interest. Is it possible they put up $300,000 for the Bush Inaugural, and flew George and Barbara Bush to the inaugural, just as a matter of patriotism? If so, might it not have been at least as patriotic to pay a little income tax?